last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I believe in your delicious
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