He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
