Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
