It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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