I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
