I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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