Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't deserve a penis
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
