first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
