she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
