Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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