Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
