sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
