airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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