toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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