I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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