They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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