I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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