at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
