My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
please come you make the beer taste better
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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