we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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