in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
