I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
