I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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