i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
