Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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