Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
