You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
