At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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