i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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