i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
