I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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