I love black thongs
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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