Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
