Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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