If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
