im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
