I think my vagina is haunted
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
