this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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