This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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