I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
