i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
