onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
