Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
