you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
