if you like me you must not know who I am
She's JV to your varsity
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I fill condoms, not promises.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
