What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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