You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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