So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
