Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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