i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My ATM looks so different sober.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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